When the emotional power isn’t clear to us, we often think we do something because of our logic and intelligence. Logic and intelligence are important, but that’s not all there is.
Many of us do great in an agreeable environment. But when we hear different opinions and experience conflicts, we can’t help but run away from them. They trigger our emotions and bring negative feelings up inside us.
One way to manage emotions so we can return to thinking and function is to connect our feelings and needs. This simple strategy helps many of us accept our triggered emotions, embrace discomforts, and understand what we long for in any challenging situation. In nonviolent communication (NVC), we call it “self-empathy support.” The goal is to be self-compassionate and increase the capacity to hold opposing emotions in tension.
It’s challenging to do something or face someone, including those closest to us, when we feel bad. Understanding the difference between the emotional state we habitually fall into vs. the emotional state we need is crucial.
The better state helps us see possibilities ahead, work through disagreements with people who can actually help, and make our dreams come true.
