Contrary to the common belief, giving feedback requires us to be in the feedback state. Preparing ourselves for feedback helps everyone.
The feedback state is the state for folks who are ready to give feedback. First, we understand why we want to be in the feedback state: to support the other person and help them reach their goals and succeed. If for any reason we are not ready to do that, we are not in the state of giving feedback.
Second, we understand where we are in our own life. If we feel less empathic and patient, we might want to hold off from giving feedback. It's because of two reasons: first, the goal for feedback is to help others not ourselves. When we are low in empathy, certainty, and significance, it’s challenging to be with the other person wholeheartedly. Second, we are more likely to attach to our feedback and expect validation from the receiving end. Not being validated often drives our empathy level even lower which triggers judgment, resentment, frustration even full-blown disconnection. Not helpful at all.
When noticing that we are struggling with what to say to stay safe or worrying about unexpected responses, the chances that we are not ready to give feedback are pretty high.
The ideal feedback state is with enough empathy we are willing to open our hearts, listen, and lean in. It feels like we've got other people's back.
The tricky thing about the feedback state is even though it's not about us because we are the ones who are giving it, it has everything to do with our whole well-being and capacity to interact and connect.
It’s not always easy to be in the feedback state, but certainly worth doing.
