All roads lead to Rome. A great metaphor for many strategies leads to the same result.
Using the self-connection process as an example, when we are triggered and find ourselves at odds with people, we could either blame ourselves for “not being grateful for what this person has done for me”, “I shouldn’t feel this way” or "It's my fault because I am just spoiled"... We could beat ourselves up and believe that the other person is right and we are wrong. Or we can connect with our feelings (including the challenging feelings) and our unmet needs to create the shift and become curious about the other person. Both of these ways lead to connection at the end.
On the surface, both work, but in the long run, one of them creates harm in our bodies. Since the shift happened because of self-blaming and criticism, we didn't have the chance to process and resolve the disconnection inside. Instead, we buried our feelings with blame and shame. Not helpful at all.
Even though all roads lead to Rome, we want to choose the safe and side-effect-free path to walk on.
