In Nonviolent Communication (NVC), there is an important awareness of the interdependent nature of human relationships and having our own needs met as equally important as other people's needs.
For a very long time, I took the word literally thinking meeting other people's needs was the goal of my work (since I learned how to meet my own needs). I can’t tell you how frustrated I was in connecting with the others because of this misunderstanding.
It turned out there are two layers in this concept.
First, we all have the responsibility of meeting our own needs in the interdependent nature of human connection and interaction. Instead of focusing on the result, the key is to recognize the power of autonomy in all of us.
For example, when I didn't understand a concept in the training session, I raised my hand and asked some questions. I needed clarity for my learning and understanding. It is my responsibility to speak up and have my learning needs met. It is not the instructor or his assistant’s responsibility to raise the question, no matter how much they support and care about me.
Second, meeting someone’s needs is about empathy and willingness to listen, understand and support them. Instead of focusing on the result, the key is being able to care.
For example, Seeing someone who hasn’t eaten for days need food isn’t because I am extremely hungry and haven't eaten for days myself, but because I am comfortable enough to stand in their shoe and understand the importance of them having food.
These two points help us see other people’s needs equally as our own. They open the door for possibilities and acceptance in human connection instead of being measured and reduced to a result.
