The power cord I’ve been using for my computer was gone. The inconvenience had finally got me. Since I was pretty sure that I didn’t lose it, I turned to my husband, “you know, you gotta remember to bring my power cord back since you took it”. He paused and denied, “I didn’t take it”. What?!
“His memory is terrible. He just doesn’t remember. Why can’t he just admit he lost it?!” I went down that rabbit hole fast with frustration and resentment…
A few minutes later, instead of focusing on him, this came my mind, clear and loud: I just need a power cord.
How might I be able to find one?
I went from self-disconnection to self-connection using the “feelings and needs” method from Non-violent Communication.
When we are upset, frustrated, angry, fearful, sad, jealous and feeling disconnected. Blaming is the go-to action for many of us. Because it's easy. It’s the stand to take if it’s not our fault. It feels good… even for a little bit.
But blaming doesn’t solve any problems. It creates more resentment that doesn’t end. It pushes people that we want to partner with and connect further away from us. Blaming loses every time...
Shifting our attention from blaming the others to our own feelings and needs can be helpful. It’s an effective way to connect with self. Until we are in connection with ourselves, it’s challenging to connect with the others.
My husband and I still need to resolve the missing cord situation, but we get to talk about it in a much better way with the centered-self and each other.
